On bridging the gap

Tears still threaten my eyes every time I think about what he said a couple of nights ago. It stings my heart in ways I can't seem to understand. The feeling of being broken, and yet feeling the regret of not being able to portray the role that I should play. It all started with that wrong move to convince him to stop doing something. Something that I know could cause him harm. I know my intentions were good, but I also know that the trick I played was far from good. I guess, I must have made him get the wrong message. It was such a wrong move to try to trick him into choosing between me, and that hobby that I would like him to quit. I thought, it would somehow make him choose to let that vice go. But I was wrong. No he didn't chose that vice over me, but he made me realize how wrong I was for making him feel that I can manage to let him go just because he didn't fit into what I thought was ideal. It ignited the explosion if his emotions. Just as my heart started to burn as well, when he voiced out how selfish I am. I was hurt for being told that I am selfish, when all I wanted to do was to stop him from doing something that could harm him in the long run. It wasn't even for myself, it was for him. Because I care, and I love him that much. From there, he was able to tell me that at times, he feels uncomfortable being around me. Somehow, he's not free. He has been keeping a part of himself because of the fear that I might be mad at him. He even pointed my selfishness when he said that he always follow what I want him to do everytime we are together, and that sometimes he feels like a joke. And then he mentioned the gap between us, that he cannot seem to fathom. After reading his message, I felt weak. Maybe because I am guilty. Maybe because at some point in our relationship, I know I have failed. How can I bridge that gap? How will I know how he want to deal with all these things when he clearly said that he's not the type who's fond of opening himself up with someone? It makes me even more sad to realize how much I've failed. I already know that he's not that open to express his thoughts and feelings to anyone. I should have done something to make him feel that I am someone whom he can trust his feelings with. I should have been that someone whom he can lean on when he can't voice out his thoughts. I should have been the one whom he can be with and be himself comfortably. He should feel free to be himself when he is around me. But I failed. I failed to be all those, because I have been selfish. I only wanted what was good for him, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe I have been pushing him too hard. I thought I was helping him, but maybe he felt like he's losing himself along the way. I don't want him to lose himself. And I really want to bridge that gap that he's referring to... I pray that we both could.